Power Struggle

Between potty training the younger one and the beginnings of pre-adolescence emerging in the older one, we are on the verge of World War III around here. My heart and my head hurt.

The parenting battlefield can be a dangerous place, indeed, until I remember: we are all on the same side of this fight. Mom, Dad, and kiddos, all be working together to overcome our weaknesses (and our common enemy!), living life to our fullest potential by God's grace and power. Don't get me wrong: I believe that the authority lies firmly in the hands of the parents. Part of good parenting is teaching children how to submit to authority - so that one day they will readily submit to God's ultimate authority in their lives. Right now, the tension for me lies in finding that spot where stubbornness loses and submission wins without a spirit being broken.

I admire the parents I know who accomplish this without losing their cool (and without migraines! I can put on a calm face, but the brewing inside eventually explodes behind an eye. I'm not fooling anybody.) Concepts which remove the power struggle completely truly inspire me.




Like the strategies I read yesterday on http://www.pineywoodshs.blogspot.com. She references another homeschooling parent who begins each school year with a tasty lesson on listening and following directions accurately: she sits in a corner and uses verbal instructions only to lead her children through baking cookies. If they listen and follow through with each instruction, they earn a tasty reward! The lesson barely needs explanation. I'll be honest, this season of rebellion has left me dreading the beginning of a new school year and the battles that might ensue. Now I have a concept that will help both the kids AND me anticipate the beginning of school with a lip smacking first lesson!

Is your child resistant to following through on your instruction? The blog author explains her strategy of replacing schoolwork with housework in such a loving tone that I just have to ask you to check it for yourself at her blog. I have used the strategy before, but I have implemented it in a much more negative fashion, accompanied with an angry announcement of punishment. How much more loving and effective it will be for me to do this calmly, without the finger pointing and ineffective, demeaning tongue lashing.

I am a fan of natural consequences. I am humbled to recognize that I all too often feel the need to lace those consequences with lectures that hurt instead of heal.

So today, I start fresh with a new resolve: the consequences will remain in place. The attitude with which I offer them will change. My tone and my intention must match! Otherwise, the consequences (and, oh Lord help me! the parents!) will be viewed with contempt instead of becoming tools for growth.